Finally some happy news - my office is closed tomorrow due to the impending snow! Now I don't have to feel so guilty about staying home with Henry. Not that I really felt TOO guilty anyhow. But YEAH. The only down side - I'll be the one who has to dig it out from our walkway since Sean's on a business trip. Oh well. It could be worse.
I'm feeling a bit like this lately:

Well, you're crazy mama
With your ball and chain
And your sawn off shotgun
Your blown out brains, yeah

You can scandalize me
Scorn my name
You can steal my money
And that don't mean a doggone thing
'Cause if you really think you can push it
I'm gonna bust your knees with a bullet, ooh
You're crazy mama, ah yeah

Well, your oldtime religion
Is just a superstition
You're gonna pay high prices
For your sacrifices, ah yeah

All your blood and thunder
Sure can't phase me none
If you're gonna keep on comin'
I'm gonna take it all head on
And if you don't believe I'm gonna do it, yeah
Just wait till you get hit by that bullet, ooh
Crazy mother, ah yeah
I'm comin' down to get you, boy, ooh

Don't think I ain't thought about it
It sure make my shackle rise
And cold blood murder
It make me wanna draw the line, yeah, ooh yeah

Well, you're crazy mother
With your ball and chain
You're plain psychotic, ooh
Plain insane
And if you don't believe I'm gonna do it, yeah
Just wait for the thud of that bullet, ooh
You're crazy mother, ah yeah
You're crazy mother, yeah
You're crazy mother, yeah
Crazy mother, yeah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEaFSXU-Y7o

What a week.

Wednesday when I got home from work, Henry seemed okay but Sean said he was pretty cranky all day. We had dinner and then fed him before going up to put him to bed. Sean stood up and POW! Henry threw up so much that I swear it was like out of a movie. I mean it came out in a tidal wave. CRAZY. I stood there simultaneously saying "Oh my god" over and over, and laughing my ass off. Henry seemed perfectly happy now that he emptied his bowels out on our floor! Took him for an emergency bath and then put him to sleep. Thursday I worked at home. He was generally fine, though right before I took him to the doctor at 1:15, he threw up again. Not nearly as crazy as the night before, but still. The doc said his ear was clear, finally. So that wasn't it. She said he likely had a mild stomach virus. Since he didn't have a fever, she said to simply keep an eye on him and just see how it went. She suggested something called Florastor, which is acidophilus, to regulate his insides a bit and hopefully help with the puking/diarrhea. I picked that up, took him home and he seemed okay.

Then around 3 am, Sean woke up and started puking his guts out. Oh nooo. He was up all night. He hasn't been that sick in a LONG time. He was lying in bed, moaning and groaning and I have to admit, I was a little like "Oh it can't be that badddd...". I guess I was just stressed because I was trying to work, take care of the baby and now him too. Haha. He stopped throwing up in the middle of the morning but felt shitty for the rest of the day. I felt badly for him but what could I do?

2 am Saturday morning. I wake up with a disgusting feeling in my stomach. Yep. Now 24 hours later, I was the one up all night puking my guts out. Oh my god it was terrible. Luckily, Sean felt much better so he was able to take care of Henry all day. I stopped vomiting around 10 am but the rest of the day was no picnic. Throbbing head, nauseated feeling, dizzy, you name it. I was rolling around in bed like a hospital patient, oh man. I felt like death and now I understood just how badly Sean had felt!

Somehow, unbelievably, I woke up Sunday morning and felt almost normal. It was crazy how quick it came and went. At 7 pm Saturday evening I felt like I was going to die. At 8 am on Sunday was ready to go! I was vacuuming, Swiffering, etc etc. LOL. Thank satan. I'm telling ya. Sean left for a business trip to Austin that morning. Luckily the snow storm they hyped up was practically nothing up here. It didn't interfere with his travel at all. That would have been the icing on the cake. But it was avoided. He's coming home Friday night. I miss him when he goes away but this is the 3rd trip he's been on since Henry has been born. I am getting used to it to some degree. I dyed my hair red (because dyeing your hair the morning after being on your deathbed is totally normal!). It's a bit bright but I do like it a lot. I went over to my family's house in the late afternoon for some dinner and to just hang out. Wasn't bad. I left around 8:15 and put Henry to bed right when we got in. He slept through the night despite his interrupted napping so that was a good thing.

I'm hoping daycare doesn't call me today to say he is still having issues. He seems generally okay, albeit a little cranky, so I am hopeful. They said there is sickness going around the school in general so I know it's not just us. Ah well. The weird thing is - if this virus made Sean and I feel SO BAD, how did it not affect Henry so harshly? I mean, he seemed sick-ish but not anything like how we felt. I wonder if it has to do with our intestinal systems being more developed or something? Who knows. I'm glad that he didn't feel so shitty though. That would have sucked hardcore. Le sigh...

I swear I cannot stand my son being sick anymore!!!

Daycare called a bit ago to say Henry threw up and had 2 diarrhea-y diapers. That's within protocol for a child to go home. Sean was working from home today coincidentally so he was able to get him right away. Of course, he was working from home so he could buckle down and really concentrate on a project he is working on...there goes that. Though when he called me to say he got him, he said he was seemingly happy and did not have a fever. That's good at least. But I feel like it NEVER ENDS.

A week before Xmas Henry developed a cold. It was pretty bad for a few days. He couldn't breathe well, was all congested/runny and therefore wasn't sleeping well either. That turned into an ear infection a couple weeks later. He was treated with antibiotics for 10 days and it seemed fine. Then 4 days after the medicine was done, he had a horrible night of crying nonstop. Took him back to the doctor and it looked like the ear infection had returned. This time they gave me stronger antibiotics. He just finished them Sunday. Now they're calling me to say he seems sick again. FML FML FML. Not to mention this entire time, nearly 2 months, he has sounded snotty/congested. It's like it never ends. Poor kid!! I know I may be wrong in this but I really think this all has to do with daycare.

I knew going in to it that daycare kids statistically get more sick than kids who stay home. I knew it. But knowing it didn't prepare me for it in real life. He's been going there for only 2 and a half months and has been sick or on the verge of sick for almost the whole time. I can't deal. He's only there 3 days a week but I guess it's enough time. I mean okay. Myself or Sean could be passing things to him that we are picking up in the city/at work/out shopping/etc. But...I really think it's daycare. I feel it in my gut. There is nothing I can do to prevent this, though. I can't quit my job to stay home with him right now. We don't have enough $ for it. Close, but not enough. And I know I can't keep him in a bubble. I'm not a germophobe. But this is just killing me. I've heard that kids who stay at home go through something similar to this once they go to preschool or kindergarten. So maybe I am just getting the dirty parts overwith early. Maybe by the time he gets to "real school" he'll have the immune system of a tank. Who the hell knows. I just hate seeing my little boy sick. He is so happy and sweet normally, and so when he is in pain it's really hard to deal with.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

-3.0 pounds this week! For a total of -5.4 in 3 weeks. I am pumped. This week was the best one yet. I am happy that it's really working, yet it's something I feel I can manage without getting ravenous or feeling too deprived. The points system thing really seems to be the best plan for me personally. I like that I can eat whatever foods I want, as long as they fall into the right points range. Unlike that gross Nutrisystem thing we did a few years back. Starving all the time and their food tasted like cardboard. Sean has also lost about 5.5 pounds so far. We are psyched. I just hope we can continue on this little journey and keep being successful until we reach our goals. Hell, I'll be happy with whatever. But to come close to my goal would be the best, naturally.

I am mega tired today. I suddenly came down with a cold, or perhaps allergies yesterday. So today I am sniffly/congested/hazy. Ughhhh. I'll live but of course now I am afraid Henry will get sick again. He finished up round 2 of his medicine for his ear infection yesterday. The last thing I need is for this to perpetuate YET AGAIN. He's having a check up on Thursday so I suppose they can tell me then how he's looking. Poor kid has been congested-sounding since about a week before Christmas. Come to think of it, I have been, too. Blahhhh.

The weekend was pretty low key, but good. Saturday my mom and sister came over to drop off the Rav 4 they are giving to us. My mom got a big promotion at her job so she treated herself to a new car. A Mini! I am sooo jealous. Anyhow, since we need a second car but have been putting it off because of the extra expense, Mom and Dad decided we could have the Rav. It's from 1997 but they take good care of all their cars, so it's in nice shape. And anyhow, you can't look a gift horse in the mouth! It will be great to have another car. We'll need to take care of the registration/insurance/etc soon but that shouldn't be a gig deal (I hope). After that my friend Cameron came over to the house to meet the baby. And to see the house for the first time. It was good - we really just sat around and talked for 5 hours but it was needed catch-up time. She left around 7:30 and my mother in law came over to watch the baby so we could go out and have some dinner/do some shopping. It was like revolving doors over at our house that day!! We ended up just going to the mall for a couple hours but it was good nonetheless. I got:

http://www.luckybrand.com/Skull-Necklace/LBJ10716,default,pd.html?cgid=womensJewelry&selectedColor=040

Because it is awesome. Nothing else. I tried on some clothing at Anthropologie but nothing fit quite right. And since that store is a little pricey, I have to feel like something really looks nice for me to buy it. Understandable.

Sunday we did grocery shopping early, which was a nice change because the vegetable selection was actually good. You go there on a Sunday night and it's like all hell had broken loose. Sean went out to get a Playstation 3 as a gift to my family for giving us the car. They insisted we not give them anything, but we felt it was only right. Sean had been looking for a reason to buy my dad the PS3 for awhile (like myself, my pops plays a lot of video games and had been jonesing for a PS3 despite already having an Xbox and a Wii). But it was too pricey for Xmas, etc. This was a good excuse! It's seemingly more of a gift for my dad than my mom, but she'll enjoy the Blu Ray player in it I am sure. And anyhow, it's hard nowadays to get a gift that BOTH parents equally want! We went over their house in the late afternoon to see the new car and to give them the gift. The Mini is so friggin' cute, I can't stand it. I wanted one years ago but Sean didn't think it was practical as our only car. Fair enough. But it's CUTEEEE! Anyhow Dad acted like his usual weirdo self, not wanting to accept the gift and feeling all awkward about it, but we could tell he was pumped :D I hope he likes it!! Then we came home, ate some dinner and relaxed. Or tried to. Watched part of the Grammys. What a joke. It's like, this is what people think is the best music has to offer nowadays? No. I suppose I shouldn't take it too seriously because it's obvious it's just not my style. But I can't help but think it's like...it's not who is the BEST, it's who is the most popular. Because to me, "the best" wasn't even represented there. I guess that's the nature of the whole thing though. How could I expect more? And people like Lady Gaga...I feel like she dresses so ridiculously to deflect your attention from the real truth - that her music sucks. She needs to get you to notice instead by wearing hugely retarded outfits. Pleaseeeee.

EDITED TO SAY: I see Judas Priest won for Best Metal Performance. That fucking rocks.

So I am reading/posting to a Morrissey forum lately and I can't tell what to make of it. I don't ::know:: anyone there really, aside from what I glean from their posts. But it seems to be the wackiest of places. There appear to be some genuinely nice/cool people, but, there are also some vicious, crazy, self-important people there too. Or so it seems. I can't really tell if I'll ever be a "regular" there. It seems to be the kind of place where you're not going to get noticed unless you do something CRAZY, and people either love or hate you immediately. I guess that's fine. I don't need to be worrying about a forum for christ's sake. But I'd like to commiserate with like minded people and have fun, you know? This must just be part of my anxiety brain taking over but I am finding myself getting worked up about some things there. Like I'll read people being horribly mean to others and realize I am getting anxious over it. About people I don't even know. I am such a flake. Of all things in my life, the last thing I need to worry about is a forum! Nonetheless, it is mostly just entertaining for now, so it'll be a good way to kill time at work at the least. HA. It does prove one thing to me though - love 'em or hate em, Moz fans are fucking crazy. LOLOL.


ANYHOW, yeah it's Monday and I am tired. But life is good nonetheless.

I guess I should update this thing more often, but as my sister says, she's "writing to no one". I feel this way sometimes too, but I suppose it's still fun to ramble on about my life and entertain myself with photos of my rock star husbands.

It's Tuesday, big thrill! Well, it does mark the halfway point of my week "in the office" so that's a good thing (I commute to the city Mon.-Wed. and work from home Thursdays and Fridays). Yesterday was really slow at work and today it's the same, so far. I am definitely not complaining! Though I WAS pretty pissed before when an author wrote to say that one of the figures I did was "not acceptable" and to go back to his original sketch. Yeah okay. Did you see the pure crap you sent in, dude? THAT'S what was not acceptable for print in our journals. So suck it.

I've been putting more thought into another tattoo, but I can't be sure how serious I am about it all. My current idea is to get Henry's name, "H" or "HJ" put somewhere in nice, fancy, scripty tattoo font. I don't know if this is awesome or maybe a little cheesy. I mostly think it is awesome because he's my child, and will be forever. I love him beyond words and so it feels fitting to have a lil' tribute to him so to speak. Anyhow, I don't know if I will ever do it. One of the main reasons for this? Because of what my parents will say. Yep. I'm 30 years old and I still fear disappointing them. I have a bunch of tattoos already, so you could assume they are used to it and wouldn't get annoyed if I got more. But I can just hear it now. "When is this going to stop?". "You're a mom now." "You're too old for this." Ehhhhh. My other issue. I have "Henry Lee" on my foot already. Will it look redundant to put "Henry" elsewhere on my body? I figured his initials could be a way around this. I have been thinking that I would do this as a "reward" for when I eventually lose the weight I want to. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone. But anyone who has tattoos will understand the desire to have more!

Speaking of Henry, here he is in a photo I took yesterday.



He's my little man. I know it sounds like I'm just waxing poetic but man...I simply cannot believe the amount of love I feel for him. Well, that's not totally true. I ::can:: believe it. I guess I just never understood the depth of a parent's love until I became one. You would hear about it all the time but are like "Yeah yeah, you love yer kid, I knowwwww...". But now that it's happened to me, and this little guy has taken over my life (in the best of ways) I feel like I can't imagine life without him. Not that I didn't exist before him, or that life wasn't good before him. It was. It was great. But somehow it's as if a line has been drawn and anything pre-Henry seems almost unreal. As if it stopped mattering. Does that make sense? Obviously, it's all the things in my life I've done that led to him. That's a great thing. And my life with Sean was perfect before he came. I'm not down-playing that aspect of my life, never. In 6 months I feel like my life has changed dramatically, and forever. I suppose that's because it has. I just love him with every fiber of my being. All he has to do is just BE, and I am rendered lovestruck. Now that he is showing real personality, and becoming more interactive, it's like it's increased exponentially. We have little moments that I just love. Like when I am giving him a bottle and he just looks up at me with his big, beautiful blue eyes. I feel like he's looking into my soul. Can he understand how much I love him? I have to think he can, even on some base level. Or when I'm changing him and stop to take a second and rub noses with him, or brush my hair in his face, and he laughs and closes his eyes in happiness, reaching out to hold my face. It makes my heart explode. Everything makes me think of him when I am not with him. I see Sean with him and my heart melts. The two men in my life. I guess I'm a "real mom" now huh?

-.8 pounds this week. For a total of 2.4 in 2 weeks. It's not huge but you know what, I'll take it! If I could lose that much consistently, I would be a happy camper. I know it'll probably vary from week to week but 2-4 pounds lost each month would be just great.

Today was lunch out with the extended family for Mom's birthday. Not bad. Then we popped into the mall for a bit since we were right there. Didn't get anything. The damn place was like a madhouse anyhow. Then afterwards, since Sean was in the city at the motorcycle show with his friends, I went over to Mom's and chilled with them all until just a bit ago. Tomorrow it'll probably be a bit of grocery shopping (oo) and relaxing. Can't complain about that too much! I'm so looking forward to our vacation to Florida in May. Just bought the plane tickets a few days ago. I think I got a pretty good deal so I'm happy about that. It'll be our first trip as a family! Can't wait to see my little dude in the lush pool they have there. And we'll take him to Disney even though he won't understand or remember a thing (it's more for us - I have an unnatural love for Disney World, it's so true). Seeing that little boy with Mickey ears on will be a highlight of the trip.

I'm friends now with Boz Boorer on Facebook. That's pretty bitchin'.

"Say what again! Say what again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more god damn time!"

I'm on a serious Peter Murphy/Bauhaus kick right now.



MOAR

( Read more... )

The love of my life.

It's 10 days until my due date. Whut?

In the meantime I have a doctor's appointment today at 5 pm. I am curious to see what they say because I was in the hospital on Saturday for a "false alarm"! I thought some amniotic fluid had leaked out, as I experienced some liquid action that was not like anything I have ever had before. And it definitely wasn't pee. So we called the doctor and she told me to get to the hospital and have it checked out. Once I got there, they said it wasn't amniotic fluid...and I suppose they ARE the professionals, but I can't help but feel like it had to be? I mean, what else was it? But I guess it doesn't really matter. Baby still looked fine and fluid levels were normal so everything was safe. They sent me home and that was that. They DID say that I was appx. 2 cm dilated though, which I wasn't 5 days prior to that at my checkup. So at least that means something was indeed going on. I didn't feel quite so crazy after that!

It's my last week in the office for awhile, which is pretty damn awesome. I won't be back here until some time in October I'd guess, maybe even November. My boss was talking about letting me work from home for an extra couple/few weeks to make up for the fact that I'll be working from home a little earlier than planned (some time in late September) to cover for my partner who is having her baby at that time. Crazy right? I'm not THRILLED about having to start up working again earlier than that 3 month ideal in my head, but, it's really not too bad. Working from home equates to doing my illustrations when they come in, but also playing Fallout 3 when inbetween figures. Though, I will have the baby to take care of, and Xbox will likely have to wait. LOL. And, the work load will be heavier since I'll be doing the work of 2 people. Ah well. I will not worry about that now. I'm still going to get a full, uninterrupted 2 months with the duder, maybe even a bit more. And then when I come back to the office fer realz, I'll only be here 3 days a week, as I am PRETTY SURE they approved our working from home 2 days a week scheme. Nice.

What else is going on? Well truthfully, aside from baby stuff, not too much. It's taken over our lives but I'm not complaining. Well, I stretched up to 7/16" after thinking it would be impossible, so I am on the hunt for new jewelry for my lobes. One of the first things I got were the Anatometal gemmed eyelets I so love. They're pricey but oh so worth it. I've also picked up some Glasswear Studios things (in the mail to me now) like Andromeda Planet plugs (can't wait to see these) and some diamond Galaxy plugs. Took a chance on some rainbow fluorite plugs and also some white pearl Kaos eyelets, which I have been drooling over. I hope they all look awesome in real life. I told myself 7/16" is where I am stopping. I started buying a lot of stuff to make myself believe it. I THINK I will stick here, but the larger sizes are so tempting. I see all this gorgeous stuff and though my size looks nice, bigger always seems to be better. I've stumbled upon some awesome mirror-style plugs called Luciferins, luciferins designed/made/handled by someone here on LJ...I NEED THEMMMMM. I missed the first batch but I am SO IN on the next. Beautiful!

This past weekend was Melissa's wedding. It went off without a hitch and they seemed really happy so that was all that mattered. I had a good time but being 8.5 months pregnant and a bridesmaid at a wedding isn't the easiest thing in the world, ha. I still managed to make it through the whole day and it was a good time all in all! 4th of July was spent in the aforementioned hospital, and then seeing The Hangover in the evening. Too funny. Sunday we saw Public Enemies (2 films in 2 days - whoa). I liked it but I didn't love it. I can't put my finger on exactly what I didn't love...I think I would have liked it if they had built up Dillinger's persona more. It might have been unrealistic, but I dunno..I wanted him to be more iconic/larger than life. Oh well.

xx kim

Whew! My appointment the other day was fine! I had a "biophysical profile", which according to WebMD is this:

"A biophysical profile (BPP) test measures the health of your baby (fetus) during pregnancy. A BPP test may include a nonstress test with electronic fetal heart monitoring and a fetal ultrasound. The BPP measures your baby's heart rate, muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid around your baby."

They said the fluid was back up to around 10, which is good news! So as for right now they are sending the results to my regular OB and we'll take it from there. I'm assuming they'll say there is no need for worry - though I suppose by next week things could change again. Either way, I feel a lot better and I think everything will be cool. I guess it really was just a fluke that the fluid went down!

Crazy!

New hair, too. Woot.

It is one month until my due date! CRAZY! I can't believe how quickly it has gone. I had a check up yesterday, which went well but also brought some semi-nerve wracking info.

I went in for the sonogram first as usual. She didn't notice anything odd or say that anything looked strange. She estimated him at 5 pounds, 2 ounces which means he gained less than half a pound in 2 weeks, which I suppose with the diabeetus, is good news. He is still pretty much in the middle of the growth chart for his gestational age and so, that is perfect.

Then I went into the exam room where they did my weight and blood pressure. I lost 3 more pounds! Which means I've lost about 5 since a month and a half ago, and my total weight gain so far since the beginning of the pregnancy is 12 pounds. Not bad. Blood pressure was also normal, which it always is. They hooked me up again to the non-stress testing machine, which monitors the baby's heart rate and your uterine contractions for about 20 minutes, and spits out a graph with the peaks and valleys as time passes. The doc came in about 15 minutes into it and said the heart rate looked very good. It fluctuated a decent amount which he said is what they look for...they want to see a "responsive baby" whose heart rate changes as they move, relax, etc. The contractions (or lack thereof) also looked good. But then he said that the amniotic fluid was a little lower than he would like, as compared to the last visit.

I don't know exactly what units they use to measure it, ounces? Centimeters? Either way, he said 2 weeks ago it was 11. Yesterday it was 8. Which, supposedly is still normal and safe, BUT, he thinks it's a bit odd it dropped 3 points in only 2 weeks. And since I am on special monitoring because of the diabeetus, he thought it was worth looking into and being safe as opposed to sorry. So, he's having me go back to the other office :/ I can't complain much, though. I want to make sure the dude is safe and sound. Plus, at this rate I knew I'd be having weekly visits, so it's not huge deal for me to have to go to the other place as opposed to the regular office. I of course would rather not, since I hated them, but, I couldn't argue. He says they have more specialized equipment there or something. They're going to do another ultrasound there and see what they find when it comes to the fluid.

The doc said there is a 50/50 chance it was just a fluke, and that it will go back up. It could have been something as silly as the baby hadn't peed in awhile (nice, I am a human toilet). But, he also said that if I lose much more (like it goes to a 5), it could possibly mean something is going on with the placenta and how it gets the fluids/nutrients to the baby? And once that starts to happen, it won't repair itself, it would only get worse? Or an internal leak. So, IF it drops to a low number by next Tuesday, he said they MIGHT consider inducing me early for the safety of the baby (and I guess myself, too).

I am trying to remain calm because he was not an alarmist. He made it sound like it SHOULD be fine. But, there is a chance it's not, so we have to be careful. Even if the baby comes early, I guess it's not too bad. It just makes me a bit nervous because next Tuesday I will be 36 weeks and 4 days along. They technically consider a baby before 37 weeks to be premature. I know this is more of a "label" at this point, but I don't really love the idea of him popping out a few weeks early and not getting as much grow-time inside as he needs. But, if it means his ultimate safety then it's obviously the better choice. I also don't think that next Tuesday, even if the # is low, that they will be like "OMG, INDUCTION NOWWWWWWW!!!". They will need to consult with my regular doc and schedule it and all that jazz. Which will likely push me past the 37 week mark. Also, since the baby is measuring well, moving a lot and the heart rate is good, the doc thinks he's doing fine. If he were in distress and all this crap was happening, there would be a lot more reason for concern. I asked why this happens and if drinking more water would help, LOL. He said no, it's not anything to do with my fluid intake, unless, I was medically dehydrated. Which I am not. It just happens? I don't even think it's related to the diabeetus. Sheesh.

Oh and then to add onto it, Sean has to go on a small business trip starting Sunday. He comes back Wednesday evening and I really don't think anything terribly time-sensitive will happen, but it doesn't make either one of us feel better about the whole thing. Especially him, but I can't be mad or upset that he's going...it's a big part of this project he's been working really hard on for weeks and it just has to happen. Obviously, if anything goes down on Tuesday, he'll race home, but I think that is unlikely. All we can do is wait and see. I sure do hope I don't have to give birth 3 weeks early but I suppose it could be worse? At least I'd get to meet my little bad seed a little earlier than anticipated....

Holy shithouse, I haven't posted here in awhile. Not that anyone really reads it anyhow?

Things are good with me. The baby is due in 36 days, which pretty much blows my mind. The pregnancy has been generally good, no major complaints aside from the gestational diabetes I found out I have (which is temporary). There are things like the fact I can't move around as easily, or bend over to tie my shoes as effectively, etc...but it's not a huge deal.

We are naming him Henry James Caesar. I love the name and hope it suits him well. I think it's obvious where most of the "inspiration" for it comes from.

The house is mostly prepared for his arrival, though there are still some things I'd like to do before he gets here. The yard is a big one but I don't think it's going to get done as well as I might like. There's always hiring landscapers, but I think it will be too expensive. Who knows. My baby shower a couple of weeks ago was lovely and we got so many gifts from everyone, that there wasn't much left for me to buy! We got the furniture a bunch of weeks ago, painted the room, etc. so it's pretty much set. So crazy.

I'm a little nervous about the actual birth, but I'm keeping optimistic and trying not to think of all the "gross" aspects of it. The pain is going to be...interesting I am sure. But I am curious to see how I handle it all and hope I can make the best of it. My mom had 3 "easy" deliveries so I hope that some of those genetics rub off on me. I can only wait.

Aside from that obvious huge thing going on, life is pretty good. I am hopefully going to see Depeche Mode in August...I bought the tickets knowing I might not make it because it's only a couple of weeks after I am supposed to give birth. But, I didn't want to NOT buy the tickets and kick myself later, so I went for it. I am going on August 3rd and 4th (my 30th birthday!). We'll see how it goes. I was pretty annoyed that they were coming so close to my due date but it's not like it's their fault! Dave's recent illness and tumor situation was quite scary but I think he's going to be fine. After all the other crap he's been through in life, I am sure he can conquer this, too.

The Bad Seeds films are finally being released...I was not in the first 4 so I haven't yet seen what I look like or sound like. I am quite scared I look like a dumbass! But I have to wait and see. Iain and Jane have said that we're going to get copies of the films we are in - yay! I think they are putting finishing touches on #5, Tender Prey as we speak. I may be in that one, as I spoke about The Mercy Seat. Hmmm. There is going to be a showing of it, and a discussion with both Iain and Jane as well as Nick in the UK on 6/17. Damn! Wish I could be there. Maybe Nick will comment on the lovely girl with the black bob in the film, and how astute she was. LOLOLOL.

What else. My ear lobes are now up to 7/16", which I didn't expect so soon. I thought for sure I was stuck at 00g. But then one day they just slid in. In fact, the plugs I am wearing with a front flare fell out the other day! But the pair of 1/2" plugs I have didn't quite fit in. But it shows they are loosening up quickly. I don't know if I should stay at 7/16" or go for 1/2", which was my old goal that I gave up on. We shall see. I've had to abandon some of my piercings for the sake of the baby/pregnancy. Like my navel (thank ye gods I took it out anyhow, because the skin is stretched so tight there), my nipples (safety for breastfeeding) and I also removed my fairly young monroe. I liked it but I felt like it was a focal point on my face, and not in a good way. Ah well. Plus, as stupid as this sounds, I guess I didn't want to be the "overly modded" mom. Not that I really care what people think, but I guess I just figured certain things could get removed and I'd be better off. I'm still very happy with all my tattoos and remaining piercings so it's a good thing.

Well I guess that's all for now. Better get back to work. Joy of joys!

xxxx

I'm wearing corduroy pants today and I keep getting amused by the way they make noise as I walk. Sometimes it doesn't take much!

Anyhow it's time for some ramblings.

I'm morphing back into the Long Islander I originally was slowly but surely. Yesterday we did a bit of shopping (what a good way to celebrate my black heritage)...actually we did a lot of shopping. I came home from the mall with Juicy Couture pants. I used to have a handful of pairs a few years and quite a few pounds ago, but threw them out when we moved because they didn't fit, and, did I really want velour, fuschia colored pants any more? I thought I was over them. But, yesterday Bloomingdale's had a 40% off rack in the Juicy section and I was pulled in like the damn thing had a tractor beam. Who can resist a sale on overpriced clothing? So, I bought me some. Phase 1 of assimilation complete.

Then, like a moron, I decided I needed Ugg boots. Oh yes. The ones I swore were ugly, over-rated and overpriced. Kind of like the Crocs I said I'd never own, but bought anyway (they're the mary jane ones so it's OKAY). I toyed with the idea of buying them a few years ago when they became 'hot', but decided it wasn't worth it...no, the real truth was, they were impossible to buy in stores and I just gave up because it wasn't worth mauling a grown woman over a pair of shearling boots. No store in the mall yesterday had them in either my size or a color I wanted. Get home and decide to look online. But feeling unsure still, I didn't buy them because I wasn't 100% sure of my size and I got pre-buyers remorse. Today at work I thought I'd pop over to a store on Broadway and see what they had. Lo and behold they had a much better selection than Nordstrom's in the mall did. Probably because it wasn't constantly bombarded with 14 year old girls from Manhasset looking to spend dad's money. They had my size (7) in my color (black) and the style I wanted (ones a little cooler than the 'classic' boot). A good chunk of change and some pride later, I walked out of the store a new Ugg customer. Phase 2 of assimilation complete.

I don't, however, feel too bad about these purchases. Lately, with the baby on the way, I am all about being comfortable. And while you might not agree that they were worthwhile or even stylish choices (I'm still justifying this in my head with positive thinking), there's no denying that they are comfortable. I'm also running out of time to splurge on myself. So, credit card bill be damned, I'm in search of comfy, stereotypical Long Island girl clothes. I'll probably even hit the Juicy outlet in Deer Park sometime within the next week. Button-less pants sure are nice when your waistline is expanding. Could I wear comparable pants that are much less expensive from Target, Old Navy, etc? Yes, I could. And I do own clothes from those stores. I'm not above it. But sometimes buying stupidly, overpriced and overly trendy stuff feels GOOD. It's all part of being a woman. Or maybe just human.

So now that we are discussing the baby in public, I can mention them here. I solemnly swear not to become the overbearing, "Let's talk about my child every 5 minutes", "Oh isn't he/she the CUTEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?!" mom. I will try not to bore you with details a non-parent could give a crap about, and if I do make a baby-heavy post I will warn you previous. We are of course very, very excited and thrilled to be parents, and I don't have any shame in my happiness, but I also know that not everyone on earth cares to be bombarded with my baby gaga-ness.

We will not be purchasing a mini-van as long as I can help it. I know I said it about the Uggs, but this is serious business. If you want to touch my stomach for whatever reason, please ask me first otherwise I might punch you. Don't suggest we name the baby Julius or Sid. We've heard it, and it's not original. I don't need to hear horror stories of other births. Yes, I am aware that it will probably hurt. That was kind of a given! I also realize 'my life will never be the same', but I like to think this will be a good thing. I'm an independent person (when it comes to some things) and don't like to be told what to do.

On the other hand, feel free to suggest baby products or any sort of tips! As a first time mom, I can use experienced opinions and advice. I apologize in advance if I am cranky or hormonal some days; it kind of comes with the territory. I'll love to hear stories about your own child/niece/nephew and how you all experience their growing up. We can share smiles and tears and it will be great. I know it.

xxoo kim

So what if the world economy is failing? Our next president remains undecided? Energy crisis? Sometimes we need a break from all that 'important stuff' - I personally choose to assuage myself with a picture blog. Maybe I'm the only one who'll get a laugh/twitch from it but it remains to be seen...

xxoo kimmy

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::copied from mah fan page::

Whew - I am back and finally settled from a whirlwind week! Thought I'd share my goings-on if you care to read about them!

Last week was lovingly dubbed 'Nick-a-palooza' by my friend Rachelle and I - and it lived up to the name! It started on Tuesday September 30th. I had my appointment to film with Iain & Jane for the remasters/DVD film project entitled "Do You Love Me Like I Love You?". Once I arrived at the studio I was greeted by Matthew who works with them. We chatted a bit while they finished up with the person who was ahead of me. He was a gentleman and helped calm my nerves! Once they were ready for me I went in and met Iain who was manning the computers/fancy equipment outside the filming space. I was led into a small room where the camera and lights were set up. I met Jane and their lighting man (I unfortunately can't remember his name but he was very nice). They sat me down and tested the lights to make sure my hair looked as good as possible against the backdrop, ha! I was already getting hot. We commenced pretty quickly. Jane was behind the camera. She was great and though I couldn't help but be nervous with a large camera in my face, she helped make me feel relaxed. We spent about 40 minutes filming my anecdotes/stories/feelings about a handful of songs. I had notes but under the gun, I forgot a lot of what I had wanted to say! Nonetheless I think it went well and despite my sweatiness by the end, I think it will be great! Iain & Jane were wonderful people as was their team. You can tell they are just as passionate about the band as anyone and I think it shows in their work. Really lovely people and I am honored to be part of their project. Here's to hoping I don't look too silly on film. I guess I'll find out next year!

Wednesday I flew up to Toronto, Canada, to see the Bad Seeds show at Kool Haus, and to visit my friend Rachelle. We met through being Bad Seeds fans so it was quite appropriate! She picked me up at the airport in the afternoon and we killed some time back at her place before heading into the big city for the show. The line was wrapped around the venue when we arrived but once inside we still managed to get a nice viewing spot. As this was my first 'full' Bad Seeds show I was very excited. Once they came out the place went nuts and the show was truly on. They sounded amazing. I can't remember the set list in order but I was surprised (and overjoyed) to hear The Ship Song. Also Love Letter and The Weeping Song, which I didn't expect. Songs like Tupelo and The Mercy Seat were so intense, especially by their end. Nick was quite interactive with the crowd and made everyone laugh by dubbing a girl in the audience "the keeper of the towel". The show ended with Stagger Lee and I think by this point everyone was blown away completely and totally.

After the show we waited around to go backstage with the passes I was graciously given by a certain bluebird I am in contact with. Once admitted, the feeling of being starstruck came over us in a flash. Even though I got to meet them in March, this seemed more intimate and small. The room had no more than 15 guests in it at it's peak, I'd guess. We were treated to some beers and first chatted with Mick who is a gentleman and a sweetheart. Nick appeared quite tired and announced he'd be leaving soon, so I figured I should make my move before it was too late. I didn't want to be a nuisance as I am constantly paranoid about that - but as he went to collect his jacket I stopped him to say hello. I gave him a letter I had written to him, and he thanked me and put it in his pocket. He found his coat and we took 2 photos together. Then he took one with Rachelle and was pretty much on his way. I can't blame him for being tired and wanting/needing to go. At this point we didn't know if we should simply say hello to the rest of the boys and be on our way, as we didn't want to overstay our welcome. But more beers were offered to us by the attentive and kind Bad Seeds and so, we relaxed and things became more 'normal'.

In the end we sat around with Conway, Matthew their sound man and Marty, while Mick, Thomas and Jim chatted with others, drinking and smoking and having a blast. I got to spend a little time talking with them all (except Warren, who left when Nick did) and they are each wonderful in their own unique way. True gentlemen in every sense of the word, they made us laugh, smile and have a night I know we will never forget. At one point I looked around and realized we were the only 2 non-band people in the room! But they never made us feel like we needed to leave. We all stayed until the car arrived to pick them up and take them back to the hotel. They made sure we had a safe way home and weren't hesitating to call us a cab or find us a safe ride. I told them I would see them on Saturday in NYC. Hugs and kisses and we were on our way. I don't think we stopped talking about it until Friday when I left for home. The photos are in the 'Fan Encounters' album.

Saturday my husband and I met up with my dear friend Angela, whom I also met through being a fan, and her friend Joe. We secured our aftershow passes and entered the general admission section of the WaMu theatre. We managed to be only one person back from the barricade a bit to the right of center (second row, if you will) so my view was much better than in Toronto. I'm pretty short so it's hard sometimes! I met Jennifer from the page, who travelled al the way form Texas! She was a sweetheart and I am throughly convinced that Bad Seeds fans are the best in the world. Before we knew it they were on and the excitement was so so high. There is nothing quite like being at the feet of an idol of yours while he sings his heart out. They sounded wonderful again and the sound seemed better than it did in Toronto so that was a bonus. They didn't play The Ship Song but they did do God Is In The House so it was a beautiful trade off. Love Letter brought tears to my eyes this time around. The classics like Red Right Hand and Deanna sounded perfect. Everything seemed more grand than possible and even though I thought Toronto was great, they managed to blow themselves away yet again.

Afterwards we went to the area where the party was being held. Let's just say it was a much more hectic event this time around. As opposed to a handful of people, there were probably over 100 there. We had some drinks and waited for the boys to appear. Once they did, people flocked to them but everyone seemed pretty courteous of each other and everyone got their chance to say their hellos. I first saw Nick and asked him if he had happened to read my letter. He said "Oh! You're the girl from the internet who runs that webpage, right?" I said yes (as my head spun) and he told me that he did read it, and thought it was very sweet and it meant a lot to him. I think he either kissed my forehead or touched my face or put his arm around me or SOMETHING but I simply cannot remember as I was in too much of a daze. Then he even said he was sorry for being "brisk" in Toronto but he was just tuckered out. I told him he had nothing to apologize for. We got a photo and he was pulled away to talk to other people he knew. I think I was shaking as my husband tried to calm me down - I was just so overjoyed that I got to talk to him one-on-one, even for that short time. And that he had something personal and sweet to say to me? Well, it was beyond words. I know he won't remember me in the long run but it was a moment I will always treasure.

The rest of the 2 hour party was spent hanging out with the rest of the boys and friends of ours. We made some new acquaintances, too. Though there were many more people there, some of whom were old friends of the band, they all still made the time to talk to me/us again. Conway took my hand and bowed to me when we said hello again. Thomas pinched my cheek. I got a hug from Matthew. A kiss from Mick. It all went so fast but I can't complain at all. We stayed until we got kicked out by the staff. Spilling out onto the NYC streets with some of the Bad Seeds at your side is quite the experience. There was an after-after party downtown. We went but it seemed no one was there once we got there, and it was so crowded and hot in the place that we decided to call it a night.

I'm recounting this all not to gloat or to brag, but just so you can perhaps feel a little of how I felt this past week. To have had these opportunities is something I cannot thank those responsible enough for. I think if you have a chance to meet a band you love, there is a slight fear in the back of your head that they won't live up to what you have in your head about them. But with these men, all of them - not just Nick, I was truly treated like a friend and for that they have not only lived up to my expectations but exceeded them. I know in the grand scheme of things I am a 'nobody' but they were kind enough to make me feel special, despite not owing me anything. Their music is what draws me to them, but to have the added experience of sharing time with them really has solidified how important they are in my life. I will go to my grave cherishing this past week and how it has made me feel. I'm even getting a little misty eyed writing this all out! I hope you all get the chance one day!

Love always, kimmy

WHUT!!!


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I made this for a laugh. That is all.

You guessed it...Dave!



Man I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I love having the puppy but she sure wears you out! Work is so slooooowwwwww.

xx kim

Wow, I totally met Dave Gahan AND he gave me a kiss to boot!



*I clearly have lost my mind. Or, work is just THAT boring today...you decide!

We have a new family member - Miss Lucille Caesar!

We have been going to the North Shore Animal League for weeks now, looking for a second dog. Now that we have a house, we thought it's a good time to get a pal for Jack. We originally thought we wanted to go the route we took with him - find a young (but not puppy) dog who was appx. his size and hopefully have the same temperament. We did want a puppy, but thought it might be too risky or too much trouble for us. Each trip over the past few weeks didn't prove successful. We saw lots of sweet dogs but they were either too young, too old, too big, didn't get along with other dogs, etc.

Thursday night we took a trip over there, this time with Jack in the car in case he had to meet a potential pal. We saw a sweet little spaniel (they labeled her as Cocker Spaniel but I think she looked more like a King Charles) who was 2 years old. She seemed perfect. We took her out to play with her and it turned out she had just been returned to the Animal League because she was fearful of men, and the family who took her couldn't deal with it. However, she seemed to like Sean and was okay when we (quickly) introduced her to Jack. The place was closing for the night so we said we'd be back the next day to spend more time with her and probably take her home.

We got to talking though, and felt like it might be a problem, having to worry that she's be so scared all the time, of people who would come over the house, etc. But...we thought we'd go and see her again and give it a fair shot. We arrived at about 7pm and she wasn't there! We found out she had been out on one of their mobile adoption units and would be back around 8:30. We stuck around and ended up playing with some of the puppies. We happened upon a small yellow lab mix who seemed really nice. We took her out and she was pretty well behaved for a puppy. Very cute and cuddly and sweet. We fell in love and were in a dilemma. Should we really take a chance with a puppy? Was it mean to give up on the spaniel? What to do?

In the end, we decided to take her. It was crazy but just as much 'hassle' as a puppy could be, an adult dog with behavioral issues could have been a problem too. They checked our references (Thanks Mikey and Brian!) and congratulated us on being new owners. Woot! She fell asleep in my arms as we drove home, hopefully relieved to be going to a new home.

She is great!! She's going to the bathroom in the house but is learning already to use the pad things we got for her. We can't take her outside for another 2 months almost, as she isn't old enough to be fully vaccinated. She was scared of the steps on Saturday but Sunday she was going up and down them like a pro! She's learning quick and even though she's had a couple punky streaks, she's a puppy so you can't fault her for it. And mostly, she is a good little kid. Jack seems...confused by her. He has been so so good though. He seems to like her for the most part. He's not snapped or barked at her, or done anything 'mean'. They've played around a bit too, though I think her puppy rambunctiousness overwhelms him a tiny bit. He will get used to her I am sure, and he'll like having a buddy!

We named her Lucy after going through a couple girl names. Sean liked it a lot and so did I. Lucille is her full name but Lucy for short :D There's a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds song called Lucy which is quite beautiful so that's fun.

Last night I lay trembling
The moon it was low
It was the end of love
Of misery and woe

The suddenly above me
Her face buried in light
Came a vision of beauty
All covered in white

Now the bell-tower is ringing
And the night has stole past
O Lucy, can you hear me?
Wherever you rest

I'll love her forever
I'll love her for all time
I'll love her till the stars
Fall down from the sky
Now the bell-tower is ringing
And I shake on the floor
O Lucy, can you hear me?
When I call and call

Now the bell-tower is ringing
And the moon it is high
O Lucy, can you hear me
When I cry and cry and cry

Shane McGowan sings the main parts here but on the official track, it's all Nick.


♥